Category: Homeschooling

I wrote this particular blog item several years ago but I wanted to re-visit it as my kids have become older. The eye bounce has been a great tool as my boys, especially, have gotten older. Connor often tells Collin to eye bounce even before I can now. I love that they are watching over each other’s purity, although I wish it wasn’t quite as necessary as it is. We can’t hardly watch a commercial without needing the eye bounce. Anyway, here’s the original blog.

Little eyes sometimes seem to notice everything that you don’t want them to notice. At the mall, they notice the store with scary items in the front window or the store with the beautiful woman posing in underwear. There are so many things these days that are inappropriate for little eyes to see that it gets exhausting having to tell them,” Don’t look at that!”. Isaiah 33 :14 & 15 says,

“He who walks righteously and speaks what is right, who rejects gain from extortion and keeps his hand from accepting bribes, who stops his ears against plots of murder and shuts his eyes against contemplating evil– ¹⁶ this is the man who will dwell on the heights, whose refuge will be the mountain fortress. His bread will be supplied, and water will not fail him.”

We need to teach our little ones to shut their eyes from contemplating evil. At this year’s homeschool convention I heard a speaker talk about how she taught her children an “eye bounce”. An eye bounce is simply bouncing your eye from the inappropriate sight to something else, quickly. This is an easy way to teach your kids ( especially useful for boys as they get older) to eye bounce away from things that God doesn’t want in our mind’s eye and our heart. I also taught my children the little song ” Be careful little eyes what you see, be careful little eyes what you see, For the Father up above is looking down in love so be careful little eyes what you see.” This helps them to remembe that God does care what they see and what they put into their little innocent hearts.

Use the eye bounce this week as you go to the mall or anywhere in public that you can quietly remind them to “eye bounce” away from things that are not appropriate. Make it a game and have fun with it, just beware of funny looks as your children (if they’re anything like mine) yell “Eye bounce” in chorus.

Categories: parenting

I am a busy girl.  I like being busy, I like being needed.  I like to be in charge of things.  I like my world to be ordered and I like my house to be clean. I like my kids to be well educated and I like them to be busy with quality programs and purposeful activities.

I like all of those things.  However, I need down time.  I don’t just like it, I need it.  My hardworking husband needs it, my College boy who is maintaining an A average and working for MIT needs it.  My 10th grade twins, who are busy with AP and Honor classes, Bible Bowl and Robotics, need it.  If I am honest, I will also admit that if I don’t plan down time for all of us, it just won’t happen.

I am currently teaching my 4.5 year old niece once a week using My Father’s World Kindergarten.  She wants to learn to read and apparently, Auntie Dawn, is the only who can according to her little self.  We do a modified version of two or three days of K depending on her attention span each week.  We have also been doing all the days of creation and we just got to Day 7, the day of rest. We read, “ By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. ³ Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.”  Whenever I have have taught this lesson ( and not only have I taught it to my kids but I have used several times for Sunday School),  the kids always seem to wonder if God was so tired after all that work?  Caileigh asked if God needed a nap because he was grumpy after all that work?  (She was clearly remembering  all the times I would ask if she was tired and needed a nap because she was grumpy.) I always say, ” No, God didn’t need a rest.  He was showing us how to live and He knows that we need to rest.”  God patterned a work week for us. Six days of work and one of rest. He created us and knows what is best for us.

When we were doing Creation to the Greeks, the curriculum scheduled us to have a true Sabbath as we study about the Feasts and Festivals of the Jewish Nation.   So we cleaned the house on Friday, made a big meal for Friday night and prepped all the food needed for Saturday.  We had dinner by candlelight and watched as the first star came out.  The next day we ate, played games, took a walk, and watched a movie together.  What a lovely day it was.  We laughed, played and enjoyed each other and I was reminded that God’s Fourth Commandment was to remember the Sabbath.  It is directly between the commandments about our relationship with God and our relationship with man and I think that’s on purpose. When we rest, we have time to focus on God’s blessings but it also allows us focus on our relationships.  Without having to worry about whether the house needs cleaning or the laundry done, we can just focus on our family. We are going to be more patient, loving and kind if we submit to God’s plan for our lives. Note that the Sabbath pattern also plans a time to work hard and then rest.  God knows us and He knows that we are probably not gonna rest if our house is a mess and food needs to be made.  I love that about Him.

If you were sitting with me right now drinking tea ( okay, you can drink whatever you want, I will be drinking a London Fog tea), I know the next thing you would say is, “That sounds wonderful but how in the world am I gonna do that?  Do you know how busy we are?”  Life is busy and homeschooling can be crazy busy but it must be scheduled.  Do I plan this kind of Sabbath every week?  No, I don’t because Soccer and Bible Bowl and Robotics and Driver’s Ed have to happen.  However, I do plan it every month or two.  I take some time and look at our schedule and plan it every month or two.  I put it on the calendar and then I say, “NO!” to anything that pops up after that.  We are busy that weekend, we are resting.  We watch movies, stay in our pj’s, eat fun foods, play games and rest and we are better for it.

Daily rest must also be scheduled.  Quiet time should happen in each and every homeschool home.  It’s important.  Quiet time still happens in our house and I have teenagers.  Whenever we are done with school ( usually 2:30 or 3:00) we usually scatter to read, relax or nap.  By 4:00 we are rested and ready for all of our afternoon and evening commitments.  When mine were little, I mandated a two hour QT.  They could read, listen to books, play quietly with Legos but they must be on their beds in their room, being quiet.  For the first hour, I would clean, do laundry, prep dinner etc and the second hour I would read, watch a show or nap.  Then we would get up, have a snack, watch a Veggie Tales and get on with the rest of our day.

Rest makes our days much calmer and all of us much more patient and loving.

 

 

 

 

Ecc 3:1 “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”

Balance – A state of which different things occur in equal or proper amounts or have an equal or proper amount of importance.

Homeschooling is hard.  It requires us to be even more than a wife and mother, which is hard enough.  It makes demands on our time, our energy, our focus, our social life, our me time and our money.  When we decide to homeschool our children it is like signing a job contract for at least a year, if not the next twelve years.  It is a job, make no mistake about it.  If our children went to a traditional school, they would have teachers whose job is to educate our children.  We would expect them to have our children as their main focus, that our children’s education is that teacher’s main priority.  Those teachers are expected to be on time and ready to work when their students arrive.  We expect them to be prepared, have lessons planned that are interesting, fun and above all, meet the educational goals that we have for our children.  We don’t want them to answer the phone, check their e-mail, post on Facebook or pay attention to anything other than educating our children because that’s their job.  When we decide to homeschool, it is our job, not our only job, but for a certain time of the day, our main one.  We should be able to schedule at least 20 hours a week toward that job.   To do homeschooling successfully, we must have this as our mindset.  However, we also have many other priorities that press in on our time and attention and that’s where it gets tricky.

As homeschooling Moms we have to find balance.   We have to be a wife, a mom, a daughter, a friend, a Sunday School Teacher, a laundress, a maid, a gardener, chauffeur, a chef and if that’s not enough, we also have to be a teacher, a curriculum designer, and a school nurse.  We  pressure ourselves to do all these things well and feel like failures when one of these things fall to the wayside.

Whew, what a load, no wonder we get stressed and feel over worked and meet our husband at the door and tell him that he’s in charge and that we’ll be back when we find our sanity.  I remember in our early years of homeschooling telling  my husband that I was going to go join the circus because it would be less crazy.

My husband has always liked to go to conventions with me and one of his favorite things to do is to pick workshops for me to attend. One particular year ,he picked a session that talked about scheduling.. There was a reason my lovely husband wanted me to go to that particular seminar.  One of my failings is that I consistently think I can do everything and I want to do them all well.  I am a little bit crazy that way. So, I over commit and then I  do everything in my power to make sure I get it all done, often times sacrificing sleep, rest, health, sanity and quality time with my husband.   It had also started negatively affecting my health and it was becoming a real problem. When he saw a session on scheduling, he was determined that this was the session for me.
I am not the most naturally organized person in the world.  I want things to be organized and well planned but I would much rather have someone else do the organizing. I have a tendency to forget things that might not be on my priority list.  You know the unimportant things like fixing dinner  or having the laundry all done before we run out of underwear or his personal pet peeve, not putting lids back on  properly or at all. Details, details.  This is also why my husband or my best friends never give me the movie,or play or museum tickets. I am thinking important things and can not be bothered by where I put the tickets.  Combined with the over-commitment issue, my dear husband had enough so I went to the seminar.

Through the stress I was placing on my family, my  feeling l like I wasn’t doing what I needed to be doing and the seminar, I took away several things.  Firstly, I needed a schedule. Secondly, I needed to start treating homeschooling as my job and I needed to dedicate uninterrupted time to my kids but then when that time was up, I needed to move one to my other tasks.  Thirdly, I needed accountability.  I needed people in my life who weren’t afraid to say, “Are you sure you have time for that?”

“Plan your work for today and every day, then work your plan. ” Margaret Thatcher
Make a Schedule
Before you make a schedule, I want to talk briefly about the value of “ish”.  Don’t let the schedule become a tyrant, it is a tool for you to use to meet your goals and only that.  There is no schedule bouncer who is coming for you if you don’t do it exactly.  Give yourself that freedom.  This is a guideline not a mandate.  Depending on your personality, some may have more flexibility than others and there is nothing wrong with that.  Make a plan that you can actually do – not just something that you think you should do.  A plan that you can and will do, not one that if you were your sister’s best friend who always has it together, does.  God made us unique and our schedules will be unique too.  I always think of my schedule having the value of “ish”.  “ At 12 ish I will do this or that. “  My value of ish is 10 – 15 min plus or minus, except hard schedule items like piano lessons or Dr.  appt.  The value of ish applies to my internal, house schedule, not my external house schedule.   I have to do that to out smart my self,  I don’t like anyone telling me what to do, even my schedule so I made it work for me.  You need to make your schedule work for you.  If you are highly unscheduled then start slowly and just have a week where you get up at the same time, the next week add meal times and then add homeschooling.  You can do baby steps if you need to, don’t get hung up on starting everything right away.  If you were planning on running a marathon, you wouldn’t start by running the 26 miles the very first day.  You would maybe run a mile or two and slowly add additional miles as your body became accustomed to it.  (This example is only hypothetical, I would never run a marathon.  That would be crazy talk)  The same thing with a schedule, to make it successful make small goals and as you make them a part of your day and week and new items.

Isaiah 32:8, “But the noble make plans, and by noble deeds they stand.”

The Weekly Schedule-

The first thing to do when making a schedule is to write down all the things you do in a week.  You might write them all down on stickies so you could move them around if you needed while making your schedule.  I just wrote it all down on a piece of paper and then added them to my schedule with a pencil and a really big eraser.

Things to plan Weekly:
School, Lesson Planning, Meal Planning, Laundry, Weekly Cleaning, Daily Cleaning, Date Night, Library Visits, Kid Activities, Church Activities, Grocery Shopping, Yard Work, Cooking, Quiet Time, Exercise, Time for Appts., Bedtime,

“The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.”  – Stephen Covey

The school schedule – 

This is the schedule that is posted on the frig and my  kids have had input on this schedule.  It seems like it changes several times during the first couple months of school.  For instance, my oldest came to me and asked if he could start his school day with piano practice.  He felt that the could put more attention to it and do a better job if he did it first.  The twins wanted to do history, science and bible back to back at the beginning of the day because then they could work on their independent work at their own pace and not be waiting on me to finish school.  So I moved my shower time to later in the morning.  If you come to my house before 11, you will find me in my pajamas or work out  clothes with my hair in a pony tail and I may or may not have brushed my teeth.  Be warned.

Daily lessons plans-

I make individual lists for my kids for what they are to do daily or weekly for independent work.  If I have done my lesson planning on Sunday then I have this in a lovely chart by day for the twins because that is all the info they can handle and a weekly chart for my oldest because he likes to do his work in larger chunks.  I like my kids to have a checklist and then we both know what they are supposed to do.  I have them show me their chart and pages done before they are able to have free time. If I haven’t done my lesson planning, which happens more often at the end of the year, then I use sticky notes.  I also know of some who have white board lists everyday and this seems to work.

Adding Activities-
Luke 14:28 “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?”
1. Count the Cost in Time and Money
2. When moving or adding activities have a plan for when you will get the original job done.
3. If you struggle with this, have an accountability partner to help you count the cost.

Flexibility-
“A system doesn’t necessarily mean rigid structure, but it means setting up organization that works for you.” Sue Shipman
1. Remember to leave room in the schedule for the unknown.
2. Give yourself the freedom to occasionally depart from the schedule
3. Keep the “ish” factor in mind. This schedule is guideline, a tool to be used but not meant to be a dominant tyrant.

Down Time-
Have a time for down time, date time, quiet time and play time.
Down time – make time to sit and be, to go play with the kids to sleep in, to go shopping with a friend.
Date time – this is vitally important to the health of your marriage, your family and your homeschool.  Make a deal with a friend, trade off kids, take a walk, make a quiet dinner for the two of you.   Your marriage must be a priority.
Quiet Time with God – this needs to be in schedule if you are anything like me.  I am more likely to do it if I have planned time for it.

In the end we need to find balance in our lives and schedules.  Yes, homeschooling is important and should be a priority but we cannot let it take over all of our other responsibilities. We must find balance.

Ecc 3:1 “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”

Categories: homeschool, preschool, elementary, middle and high school

We started this several years ago  and loved it so much we left it through the holiday season.  During this season, I wanted my kids to focus on our blessings each day.   I wanted us to focus on more of those little blessings that we take for granted.  The blessings that if they were taken away would affect us greatly.  Like quiet moments reading out loud or the blessing of a dog who snuggles on my lap. 

I Thess 5:18 says, “in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”  It is God’s will that we are to give thanks.  To help remind us, I got window markers and drew a tree without leaves on our sliding glass door and put this verse on it.  Each day we each put one “leaf” on the tree with the thing that we are thankful for.  By the end of the month, the tree is quite full and we can count our blessings one by one.  I can also point a kid to the tree when they are being unthankful or greedy.  It is a great visual reminder of the countless blessing God gives us.  As a bonus, the kids love to draw on the window!

Last winter, I painted our pantry doors with brown chalkboard paint because there’s always room for one more chalkboard. So, for this year’s Thanksgiving Tree, I drew the tree on the pantry doors.  I love it there as it is more prominent and is more of a visual focus in our kitchen and family rooms. I find that when we focus on our blessings, our attitudes are much better and we don’t tend to focus on the annoying or negative aspects of our day. 

Categories: parenting

We have had three sets of company in the last three weeks as well as a Family Reunion and school is in full swing.  Problematically, the people appear to need to eat, not once, not twice but three times a day!  And since I don’t have a personal chef or a maid or a laundress ( which is what I really want) it falls to me to feed the people.  I don’t mind cooking, actually I rather enjoy it when I have the time.   That’s the problem right there, the time. Time is commodity I don’t have a ton of, so I have had to learn to make meals that are healthy, easy, and can feed a crew.  I thought I might share some of them with you.

Breakfast –

I usually have a large thing of granola made at all times.  My daughter and I use it to make greek yogurt parfaits with lots of fresh fruit, while my sister was here, she ate it as a cereal and my boys eat it as a snack. Dawn’s Granola

Let’s chat a bit about Crockpots.  I have two and I use them ALL the TIME!  I use them for all three meals as well as to make stocks, apple butter, apple sauce, etc.

Here’s my main crockpot.  I got it a couple of years ago and it is a workhorse and also travels well.  I take it to parties and to feed the robotics team.  As a side benefit, it was also pretty inexpensive. Dawn’s Crockpot

I am also looking at getting a pressure cooker like I got my Dad a couple of years ago.  I hear there is tons of new “instant pot” recipes. Pressure Cooker

For breakfast, I have two main crockpot recipes.

In the winter I like Steel Cut Oatmeal and then everyone can doctor their oatmeal to their liking in the morning. I use Alton Brown’s recipe but I don’t add the dried fruit. ( I don’t like dried fruit of any kind, including raisins.  Some think this is a character flaw.) Overnight Oatmeal  I then use any left over oatmeal to put into my homemade bread.  It adds a nice flavor and texture.

We make Hashbrown Casserole for Bible Bowl Nationals but it also works for dinner for the Robotics team.  I get organic frozen hashbrowns and line the bottom of the crockpot ( usually about half a small bag) salt and pepper them and then put a layer of diced green chiles on the potatoes.  Mix up 10-12 eggs with about 1/2 cup of milk, pour it on top of the potatoes.  Then I layer cheese on top and let it cook for 6-8 hours on low.  This can get overcooked. so its important to have a crockpot that will change to warm after a certain amount of time.  Sometimes I serve this on its own but I also serve this with tortillas, salsa, cheese and sour cream.  Any leftovers, I make into breakfast burritos and throw them in the freezer for on the go days. This can also be baked in the oven and is easy to make ahead of time and thrown in the freezer.

Hard Boiled eggs

I usually have hard boiled (or baked) eggs made and ready for easy protein laden snacks or for a quick breakfast.  I bake my eggs and it is so easy to do while I am cleaning the kitchen or if I have the oven already warmed from something else. Baked Eggs Recipe

Mini Egg Frittatas

Here’s another recipe that I may make for a breakfast (or dinner ) and I make extra to freeze for Breakfast sandwiches.  I heat the oven to 350 and spray a 12 muffin pan with olive oil and put maybe a TBSP of kale or spinach in each cup.  I mix up 8-12 eggs, a 1/2 cup of milk and a 1 1/2 cups of cheese and pour it over the veggies.  I bake for about 20 min and then I have beautiful little individual frittatas.  We usually have the first round with fruit and maybe banana bread but then I freeze the individual ones for the kids to make breakfast sandwiches with.  I have frozen turkey sausage patties and either whole wheat bagels or english muffins available.  Healthy, quick and inexpensive!

Baked Oatmeal

Last but not least, Baked Oatmeal.  This is great because you can make it the night before and just throw it in the oven in the morning.  Easy to do with company and it is delicious.  I haven’t met a child or adult that dislikes this recipe.  I like to add fresh blueberries to the top while it is baking but my kids like it without the fruit and served with milk and butter on top.  Sometimes, I make several of these up at a time and buy disposable pans and put them in the freezer for busy weeks or for when we have company. Baked Oatmeal Recipe

 

 

Several years ago I took a very in depth Bible Study/Class on discipleship.  We read the Bible, we read Bonhoeffer and we even read a book by a Communist detailing how to pursue people to make disciples.  Through the six week class we had to pray and really delve into God’s mission for each of us and to develop into disciple makers.  By the end of the class we were to enter into 2-3 mentor relationships.  At the time all my kids were little and I was struggling with God’s purpose for me.  It seemed like all I did was say, “No” and clean up messes and teach basic reading.  I didn’t feel used for anything important.

Through out the class I still felt less than, as the other members were VP’s of major corporations or Professors at a local University.  I learned something that changed my outlook on life.  God revealed His purpose for me, to make disciples of my three children.  My job was to enter into a teaching and mentor relationship with my three kids and that’s how God was choosing to use me.  My very important job was to prepare them Spiritually, Emotionally and Academically for whatever God would have for them as they leave our home.  I felt appointed by God for this very unique position that only I could do.  It could only be me.  It was up to me to dedicate myself to this task that God gave me.  I wrote out my Mission Statement, my Objectives and Goals and have kept them close to me ever since.  There were days that I longed for a more glamorous task, an easier task, a task that allowed me to hire out the cleaning, the laundry and the whining.  It is the hardest thing I have ever done but it’s also the best.  So Moms who are in the midst of the hard days, let me encourage you to spend some time in prayer, figure out what God is calling you to do, write it out and post it where you can see it, and then put your head down and get it done.    Every day I have to choose again to get out of bed, even when my back is out and it takes my 30 min of Pilates just to be able to leave my room and do what I am called to.  It is hard but it is oh so worth it.  I am grateful for every day I have been able to disciple and teach my kids.  I can see the fruit showing up in the lives of my kids and I know that Jesus gave me the best purpose ever.


Categories: parenting

I woke up in the middle night in pain.  I rolled into a different position and pain shot down from my back into my leg and foot and I thought, “Uh oh, that’s not good.  Tomorrow’s the first day of school. ” I got in a more comfortable position and went back to sleep knowing that it was going to be a harder day.

I have Degenerative Disc Disease, basically arthritis in my back.  I have had two bulging discs, steroid shots, back surgery and seemingly endless physical therapy but at the end of the story it just means that I deal with pain in my back, sciatic nerve down my leg and burning pain and numbness in my foot almost every single day.  Some days are better and some days are worse, that’s just how it is.  I have chronically been in pain since the twins were babies, which means our entire homeschool career, I have dealt with chronic pain.  I am not saying this to gain sympathy as when anyone gives me sympathy, it makes me grumpy.  I would far prefer for everyone to just forget I have pain and just let me deal with it so that no one ever knows. However, I was recently reminded that others may gain hope and benefit from my experience in managing chronic pain and homeschooling successfully for 14+ years.  This much sharing makes me grumpy as I like to pretend that, “I am fine”, which is my standard answer when anyone asks me how I am feeling. I have a fun book all planned out to read just as soon as I finish this post to help me be less grumpy about this much personal sharing.

How I deal with it –

Completely ignore it.  No, that’s neither true or helpful but it’s what I would rather do but here’s what I actually do.

1. Take Care of Myself.- As a Mom this bugs me,  I should take care of everyone else first. However, the truth is that to be able to take care of anyone, I have to take care of myself or I will be laid up in bed or have to have surgery again, none of which I want to do. I had to learn this the hard way.  Spending much of Connor’s K year teaching from bed hammered this point into me.  I must take care of myself to take care of them. So, I get up every morning and I do my Pilates.  Pilates helps me to be able to move and function throughout the day. When my kids were little, they did it with me.  I bought them cheap plastic balls to do the exercise ball with me.  They learned how to do the downward facing dog and stretch their lower back.  They thought it was great fun.  I have 5 videos that I trade-off. I keep my weight down as more weight equals more pressure on my back which is bad.  We pay for massages every month to keep my muscles and nerves from tensing up.  My beloved husband insisted we buy a really good memory foam mattress with a moveable frame.  I can take pressure off my lower back and it feels like heaven.  I also have a set of really great Lazy Boy chairs which I sit in to do school, read, write, type, drink tea etc.  I rest every afternoon and “go flat” for at least 30 min a day.  This is one of the reasons we still have quiet time.

2. Use pain killers sparingly but use them if needed. – I don’t like the feeling of being out of control so I just didn’t take the prescription pain killers.  However, after I got yelled at by my Doctor, my husband and my Mom, as I was actually causing myself more damage by walking weird or making it hard to live with me, I did some research and found pain meds I was okay with. I like arnica pills and arnica creme.  They take away the majority of the pain but don’t make me tired or make feel like I have narcotics in my system.

3.  Give Grace. – I have had to learn that sometimes I might be extra sharp when I am in pain so on those extra hard days, I tell my kids that I am not feeling well and then I give everyone around me an extra measure of grace.  I work hard to stop and think about whether this is really an obedience issue or if I am just extra cranky.  This is when it helps to have the house rules clearly posted.  It also helps to have consequences thought out and posted ahead of time.  When I am in pain, I am more likely to be harsh so consequences thought out ahead time helps me to have a measured response.

4. Lesson plans done ahead of time. – Using an open and go curriculum and having all lesson plans done ahead of time allows us to do school even on bad days.  I can sit in my chair, open up my TM and just jump in. When my kids were young, I had notebooks labeled for each day of their week with their independent work so that they could get to work even if I needed to take a little extra time stretching or soaking my back.  As they got older, I made sure to have daily lessons written out for their independent work.  School is my very first priority and it needs to get done no matter how I feel.  ( Barring trips to the hospital, fevers over 102* or throwing up, we do school.)

5. Scheduled Down Time. – I must schedule down time daily and weekly.  This allows me some wriggle room in our schedule and time to rest.  I have to schedule it or I won’t do it.  I am a completely type A personality so I would rather go, go, go but I just can’t and I need to be wise and know my limitations.

6. Let Others Help or Even Know I am in Pain.-  This goes against everything in me.  “Nope, I am fine” is my mantra but there are a select few that know my ‘pain tells’ that I am mostly comfortable to go to for prayer and for help. They include my husband, my kids, my Mom, and my best friend.  They also have the freedom to tell me to go lay down, ask if I need pain pills, get me a cuppa tea and/or ask me if I need to cancel something on my schedule.  That last one I don’t handle well at all but I work hard to try to be reasonable.

7. Planned Crock Pot or Freezer Meals – My pain level is usually the worst by 3 or 4 so standing up and cooking can be torturous.  Having meals in the freezer or throwing something in the crock pot helps to alleviate that and gives me time to rest before all the evening activities.  When my kids were little I went to one of those places that you put 12 freezer meals together in an afternoon.  It was worth the extra cost for someone else to do the shopping, planning and chopping for dinner as it was way more expensive and less healthy to go out to eat.  I think now they just deliver the meals to you.  Now that my kids are older, I just have them help in the prep or I do it earlier in the day.

8.  Be organized! My cousin has dealt with chronic pain/chronic illness all through her kids growing up years and I learned a valuable lesson from her, organize like mad.  Her meals are planned, her kids schedule is planned and her house management is planned.  Her chore chart is a beautiful thing.  I aspire to be her but since I am not as naturally organized, I have a looser schedule but I have one none the less.  I make sure we straighten up each day, school stuff put away, dishes done, kitchen straightened up, some laundry done and some household chore each day.  My kids know how to do a “15 minute clean up” which is basically when we rush through the house putting everything in its place.  If we do this everyday, the house stays basically tidied.  We do a five days of school in four so that on Fridays, we sleep in, have fun cereals for breakfast, watch some cartoons and then clean the house.  We do bathrooms, dust, vacuum, clean the kitchen, our bedrooms and I have us focus on one room or area each week to go a little deeper.  This schedule also helps as my daughter has to take her very nasty autoimmune drugs on Thursday night and she needs extra sleep the next day. I try to do one extra cleaning thing each weekday so that Friday doesn’t get too long.

9.  Tea.  Having tea helps everything.  Oh, and a good book.  Tea and a good book almost solves everything.  Okay, it might not be tea and a good book for you but having something to reward yourself with helps to get through a tough day.  I shamelessly reward myself with tea and a book when I have done all the things I needed to.

10.  Recognize that Everyone Has Issues – Sometimes it can feel like I am the only one that has to deal with this kind of pain AND homeschool.  Sometimes it just seems like everyone has it easier and does it better but that’s just not true.  Everyone has something.  Paul talks about having a thorn in his side and I just figure this is mine.  I want to give it to God and let it help me be more patient with others as I don’t know what’s going on in their life.  I think God uses it to help me to remember that people are more important than getting things done.  If I just need to sit and have a cup of my tea with my daughter or watch a movie with my husband then maybe it’s a blessing in disguise.  I don’t think I would slow down enough to recognize that my loved ones need me to just be with them otherwise. It helps to give me perspective and patience and empathy.  None of which are natural strong-suits of mine. I am grateful for the learning lessons that it affords me, I am also grateful that this is not my forever body and one day looking down at the water I just spilled and wondering if I could just leave it because bending down might just kill me, will not be an issue.

*** throwback post*** God continues to amaze us and how He is choosing to use Connor.  This summer, Connor is an intern at the MIT Media Lab in Boston and is doing really well.  

I am really looking forward to doing Experiencing God with the twins. I can already see God’s hand in their lives and I look forward to seeing what He has in store for them.

This past year Connor and I went through “Experiencing God” together.  One of the things that struck Connor and I was the picture that God is always moving, He always has a plan and we need to move to where He is moving.  So often we hear, “Well, you should wait until God shows you where you are to go.” and while that may be true in some cases,  Connor and I were convicted that sometimes we just need to get on God’s moving sidewalk.  God is already moving, He already has a plan and sometimes we just need to start walking in whatever direction God seems to moving towards.  It is far easier to steer someone who is moving than to steer someone who is at a complete stand still.  Since Connor was a baby we have told him Jeremiah 29:11, 
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.””  

We have always wanted our kids to be excited and challenged by the plans that God has for them.  We have told them Isaiah 32:8, ” But the noble make noble plans, and by noble deeds they stand.”  We have told them that they can do the hard things, they should strive for the impossible, they can change the world for the better, for God says that all things are possible through him.  We have tried to prepare them spiritually and academically.   We have asked them to be excellent in whatever they do because we want them to be prepared for when God’s plans start moving them.

I always thought this was to prepare them for college and beyond.  You know, for when they aren’t kids.  To properly prepare them for when they are adults.  You know, many years from now.  Not now.  For the future, very distant future.  You know, for when I was ready, umm, I mean when THEY were ready.

Apparently, God had other plans, good plans.

Click to see one of Connor’s Projects
Click to see one of Connor’s presentations.

I surprised my wonderful 15-year-old girl today.  She looked at me with shock and a little dismay.  She asked me if she was allowed to do something and I responded with, ” Well, that’s probably not up to me anymore, that’s a decision you should make.  Should you do that?” The first time I said that to Connor he responded to me with, ” I would rather you just tell me what to do.” I laughed and said, ” Yes, that would be easier for you but it is now your job to decide and to step in and follow God.”

Part of the reason my kids are so surprised by my stepping back is that I have been the driving force in their life.  I am an obey the first time, ‘but Mom’ has been banned in our hours for years, be kind or you will answer to me, I don’t threaten, I promise, kinda Mom.  I am not a yeller or a screamer but break the rules and the posted consequences will happen.  Whine and complain and you will have a taste of apple cider vinegar for not using pleasant tones.  Complain about being bored and I will find a toilet for you to clean.  I believe in working hard and then playing hard, but if you forget the work hard part, you will not be playing.  If I say no, I mean no. If I say yes, I will do everything I can to make that happen.  That’s the Mom I decided to be years ago.  We run a tight ship during those young years.

I firmly believe that in those early years, it is our job as parents to make clear rules and follow them.  I believe we should teach our kids the Biblical or moral reason why we do the things we do.  We need to make the Bible the clear answer to why we do the things we do.  We speak kindly and pleasantly because Proverbs says, ” Pleasant words are sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”  We treat others things with respect and even better than we treat our things because the Bible says we are to ” Love your neighbor as yourself”.  We obey right away because it says in Ephesians, ” Obey your parents in the Lord for this is right.”

We work hard in those young years to hide God’s Word in our heart and we work hard to not merely be hearers of the Word but doers of the Word.

There comes a time, though, when we need to loosen the reigns and start letting our kids lead.  In our house, it seems like it starts happening around 15 or so.  Puberty is mostly over, their hormones start settling down and they start living what they believe. Then it’s my job to back off and let God.  I become an advisor, not the leader.  I am the coach on the sidelines. Will they make mistakes?  Yes.  Will they have some failures?  Absolutely and I think that’s good. It’s hard but it’s good.  I want those first mistakes and failures to happen while they still live under our roof so that we can help them mitigate the consequences and teach them how to get up, shake off the dirt, deal with the hurt and try again.  I also want the chance to be able to see is there are any major gaps in their learning and have time to fix that.

It reminds me a little of how I educate my kids.  When they are in grammar stage ( earliest learning – about 5th), I teach them straight facts, yes and no, make sure they know their math facts, their phonics, know their grammar rules.  In the Logic stage ( Middle School), I start teaching the why’s of all those facts, we start to make connections, they decide what they think about those facts, they start taking baby steps in independence.  In the Rhetoric stage, ( High School and beyond) they take what they know and make it their own.  They not only know what they think about those facts, they have opinions and start sharing those opinions.  They take what they know and start to think about how they want to change the world.  They should be managing their time, their assignments and books.  The early years I have the reigns and the plans but by high school, I need to be letting go and letting them take the lead.  The key to this is to teach and discipline when they are young.

There are a few resources that were helpful to us when our kids were young.  I need to note that I didn’t follow any of these things 100%.  I took everything and tested it against the Word of God. I also took everything and thought about it and tested it against what I knew of my children and their personalities.  Personalities do matter when training your kids.  Our expectations of each of our kids have always been same but not how we get there. Having twins with opposite personalities trained this into us fairly early.

****clicking on the colored links will take you to the Amazon page for that resource.  This helps me to fund this page. Every resource I recommend I have used and I own, in several cases, I own multiple copies.

I Want to Enjoy My Children – I worked through this book when Connor was an infant.  It was the very first parenting book I ever read and it really spoke to me about the parent I wanted to be and the desire I had to enjoy this whole scary parenting thing.

Hints on Child Training – I originally bought this book because the author is the grandfather of Elisabeth Elliott and I loved the story of her life and had read many of her books.  However, once I got into it, I really appreciated his perspective.  One of the things that struck me was how he spoke about the fact that every time you ask your child to be obedient they do have a choice.  They can choose to obey you or they have the choice not to.  I am not taking away their choice, I am just following through on my word.  This thought helped me think through my opinion on Love and Logic parenting.  Some of the wording is a little archaic but it’s worth it.

Shepherding a Child’s Heart – This book really helped me when I was dealing with a very strong-willed girl.  It felt like we butted heads every single day and I was very concerned that I was going to ruin my relationship with my sweet little girl.  The idea that I needed to look at heart training versus behavior modification was life changing.  It helped me to pick my battles and focus on what really mattered.  As a cautionary note, the author promotes the idea that spanking is the only viable discipline technique and it is one I found completely untrue.  Spanking was NOT the most effective technique in our home.

Everyday Talk – This book changed me.  I realized that how I spoke and thought about everyday things affected my kids.  As I am very verbal and my tongue is my biggest sin issue, this book helped me to further tame my tongue and to think about what I said in context of how it might affect my kids.

Creative Correction – This simply was a great book to help me think of ways to provide consequences for my kids.

Spiritual Parenting – I helped teach this book in a parenting class at church this spring and I found that it closely aligns to my own ideas and thoughts in parenting.  It didn’t always give the most practical how to’s to accomplish those ideas but as a foundational philosophy of parenting, I found it pretty right on.

Babywise  – I hesitate to recommend this series of books because I have found far too many parents take the series and use it far too legalistically.  However, this whole series has really practical tips.  Self Control hands?  Genius.  The Umbrella of Obedience?  Really helpful visual tool to help my kids understand that stepping out from our covering and the covering of God’s protection is not in their best interest.  Take the tips and use them but don’t fall into the trap of making this your parenting Bible.  Your only parenting Bible should be the Bible.