Month: August 2018

***I am reposting this as I realized as I was rereading, “For the Children’s Sake”, how important this is. We need to remember that God’s Word applies to every aspect of our lives. We teach our kids not to whine about chores in the same way we teach them not to whine about math and English. We teach them to be obedient to our directions whether it be time to leave the pool or time to sit down and do copywork. The principles are the very same. We teach them these habits, not because they will make our lives easier (even though they will), because God’s Word says so. We need to teach our kids that our authority comes from God and that we follow the same dictates that they do from God. We must teach them that good habits and practices come from God and that apply to every aspect of our lives. Our habits from school apply to our habits at home which apply to our habits at church, the grocery store and, yes, even Grandma’s house. We are training our kids for life not merely academics but, we remember that a habit of excellence in washing dishes also applies to our dictation. There is no difference. This is one of the reasons that I think homeschooling is a blessing as it makes this less of a transition. *****

When my kids were little we were encouraged to give our children the reason why we made the decisions we did.  I will be honest and say that it was awkward, time consuming and meant that we needed to use a lot of words.  Instead of just saying, “Stop running”, we had to say, “Stop running in the hallways at church so you don’t knock into anyone.”  Or, “No, we cant’t go to the party because you were sick yesterday and we need to be well for 24 hours so we don’t get anyone else sick.”

One of the best ways we found to do this was to have the entire family memorize 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

We then memorized these verses from Mathew 22:37-40

37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[c] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[d] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

These two sections of scripture helped us have the tools we needed to teach our children why we do what we do and sometimes, why we don’t.

On sharing –

“We share our toys with our friends because Jesus wants us to love others.  To love others we must be kind and it is kind to share our toys”.

On talking back –

” Using those words is disrespectful and rude.  Love is not rude nor does it dishonor others.”

On taking flowers from other’s yard ( we said this to Caileigh A LOT!) –

” We don’t take things that are not ours and we want to leave the pretty flowers for others to enjoy.  Love is not self-seeking which means we put others first.”

Why is this important?

We want to train our children to think Biblically. We also want them to be able to reason.  Unfortunately, they don’t know how to do this on their own. When we do this when our kids are young it creates children and teenagers who apply this thinking to other areas in their life. They also know how to express their reasoning.  I have overheard my son telling a group of boys, ” No, I don’t think we should tp a house because that is disrespectful and dishonoring of others property. Maybe we can think of something else funny to do.” I didn’t need to step in because he did exactly what he needed to do.

When kids are little and sick, they don’t naturally want to skip the party or the fun event but we need to help them think with an attitude of putting others first. To do that we continually need to tell them how and why we make the decisions we do.  It’s a part of training thoughtful, kind and Godly young people.

Look at those adorable faces!  Now, we are facing their 12th grade year and these tips still apply.  They apply more now as we have to add College Visits and Applications on to our school lists.

 

There are a couple of things that I have found to make our transition back into the school year easier for all involved.  Including me because I like sleeping in, going to the pool and playing with our friends but alas, responsibility calls.

1.  Start the school schedule early.  I start easing us back into the school year a couple of weeks early by getting us into our school year sleep schedule.  I have found that the I am, I totally mean the kids, are in a much better frame of mind when the first day of school isn’t also the first day they have had to wake up early all summer.  This makes no one happy.
2. Clean and prep the house.  Before school starts, I make sure I have a ‘clean slate’ to start the school year.  Bedrooms have been cleaned and gutted, everything is dusted, floors mopped, I have binged and purged in an effort to make school year cleaning easier.  I also usually have one or two bigger projects that I just don’t even attempt in the school year.  This year, I am officially getting rid of the classroom in the basement and making into a guest suite.  A Geek inspired suite that only we true nerds will appreciate, but my in-laws will appreciate because they will get their own room and bathroom even if all the geek touches go unnoticed.  (Tardis blue walls, Captain America red curtains etc) Last year, I redid our bedroom and repainted the front room and dining room.
3. Plan meals.  I like to have a list of meals prepped and ingredients in the pantry and freezer.  If I am really on my game, I will have several meals in the freezer.  I have a great list of about 10 – 15 Crockpot meals that I make sure I have everything for.  I am not someone who likes to list out a meal chart for each day (what if I change my mind, what if I don’t want to eat that?  It’s too confining) but I do have a list of all the meals I have either in the freezer or have the ingredients for.  Apparently, I need to feed the people 3 times a day, 7 days a week, so annoying and having a plan makes that easier.  I also prep breakfast by having a fresh batch of granola, breakfast sandwiches in the freezer and breakfast burritos frozen and available. Lunches are leftovers, sandwiches, veggies and hummus and lots of fruit, it’s an every man for themselves around here but I try to have everything well stocked and ready to go.
4. Behavior check.  It’s important for everyone to know that there will be no whining or complaining, we obey right away and we are kind in our words and actions.  Start tightening the reigns when you start the sleep schedule, it is not a good plan to start behavior training on the first day of school.  Trust me, been there done that. One year, I started school two days after getting back from England and Scotland after leaving the kids with Grandparents for two weeks.  It was not my best plan.
5. Start school slowly.  We do math and LA at least 3 days a week during the summer when we are home but once August hits, it will be everyday.  The next week, I will add Science, the week after that, Bible and History, then Foreign Language.  It may take me a month to add it all in but it vastly improves everyones morale if the beginning of the school year doesn’t take us forever.  Easing into it also allows us to slowly finish as well.  It is so great to know that in April you will start finishing books and allows that extra boost to get it all done.  For my high schoolers, I start the most vital subjects first so that if the end of the year gets too crazy I can start drop kicking some of the less important subject.  With World’s for Robotics, Tournaments and Nationals for Bible Bowl, AP Tests as well as ACT and SAT’s, the end of the year can be crazy, and if we can have some of the more difficult subjects successfully accomplished, we all win.
6. Make the first official day of school FUN!  When my kids come down for the first day of school, I have homemade poptarts waiting and a pile of goodies for each kid.  I have each of their favorite candy bars ( which they can eat right away or savor throughout the day – wanna guess which kids does what?), fun pens and pencils, a fun new book to read, a fun t-shirt (we used to tie dye t-shirts but my kids stopped liking that when they were about 10 and 13) and fun bookmarks.  If you have preschoolers and toddlers, make sure they get something new and fun too, a brand new coloring book or activity book with brand new crayons and maybe a new learning toy.  Even our little ones need to know that we do this school thing together, it’s something our whole family does, we learn together.  My husband tries to go into work later so we can take pictures, have breakfast together and then he prays over each of us.  Most years, I make sure the first day of school finishes at lunch time and then we hit the pool.  Make it a day to look forward too, not enter grimly.
7. Plan a couple of dates.  I know that the beginning of the school is going to be hard, it just is, and it usually takes several week or months to get into the full swing of things and I know that I will need a break.  So, I inform my husband that we will need to go out, and in years past, I planned babysitters ahead of time and booked them a month in advance.  I also plan date days with my friends.  I know that I will need time to decompress with my best friend (and now that she’s moving an hour away, I really will have to plan.  Noooooo, don’t leave me!), my Mom for her ever present, “It’s going to be okay and they are really great kids.” and with my sister who will take me to silly movies and make me snort laugh.  I take the lead and ask and plan the dates.  They are vital for my sanity and the children’s well being.

As with everything that’s hard but worth it, a little preparation can go a long way.

About 15 years ago, when my kids were very little, Scott and I took a parenting class led by good friends of ours.  During this class, the very talented leader made us these adorable magnets for our fridge to help remind us of the things we had learned.  This magnet has been our fridge since.  Long past the age when we had finger paintings and soccer schedules on the fridge, this remained.  As a matter of fact, it occupies one of the few spaces on our beautiful Stainless Steel fridge that can hold magnets.  It has become part of who we are as a family, and a daily reminder of the parents we want to be.

1.  Verbalize Family Identity  – Through the years we have used this idea to create statements about our family and who we want to be .  Things like, “We, Hudsons, work hard and then we play hard.” “We, Hudsons, have family movie nights.” “We, Hudsons, volunteer together,” “We, Hudsons, never give up, we might fail but we don’t stay there.”  “We, Hudson’s, love Jesus and others, in that order.” “We, Hudsons, go to Star Wars movies on opening night.”  We say them out loud and then we do them.  When the kids were younger, we said them a lot. Sometimes, it more about who we wanted our family to be rather than who we were at that moment, but it helped us to remember to be deliberate in creating our family identity.
2. Show Ongoing Love for Spouse – This always reminds Scott and I that one of the very best things we could do for our kids is to love each other and keep our marriage strong.  This meant we had to make our relationship a priority.  We traded kids with a friend on Fridays so that each couple had a Friday afternoon and evening alone twice a month.  We budgeted date nights, even when finances are tight.  We begged the grandparents (we have the best grandparents) to take our kids for at least a weekend, if not a week, each year for a vacation (even a staycation was a wonderful thing) alone.   We tried to spend 15 to 20 min each evening chatting together while the kids played quietly to reconnect each day.  We make each other a priority.
3. Understand and Respect Your Child’s Private World – This, for me, was the idea that God had designed and created these little people,  They weren’t blank slates, they were to be respected as little people with minds, hearts and gifts given them by God and my job was to help mold that, not create that.  Charlotte Mason was a Genius is a blog I wrote with this in mind.
4. Keep Those Promises! – If I told my kids we could go to the pool, I did everything in my power to do that.  I thought carefully when I said yes or no ( No’s had to have a good reason, because I wanted them to understand why I said No.) and having a good and clear written schedule helped me to know if I could say yes and then I made it happen.  They could trust my word and I asked them to do the same.  I wanted them to be little people of their word. If they said it, they needed to follow through, but it needed to start with me.
5. Allow Freedom to Fail – This one’s hard.  It’s hard to watch our kids fail but it’s in failure that they learn the most.  We must not save them every time. One of our rules for school was that if you didn’t get your work done (because you were dawdling or distracted) then you were not able to participate in extra curriculars until it was done.  Several times, Caileigh sat on the side of the soccer field while her team practiced and she finished her math drills.  Once she was done, she could run right on the field to practice.  I didn’t make excuses for her, I just let her feel the pain of that and then she became much more diligent.  There have been several times in a project where we have cautioned our kids and allowed them the choice to follow our advice or not, and we watched as they failed.  We didn’t allow them to stay there though, we helped them up and figured out how to make it successful because, “Hudsons don’t quit, we try again.”
6. Be An Encourager – As my love language is words of encouragement, this one is easier for me.  However, I wanted to make sure I was encouraging the right thing.  “Way to be brave and speak up” or ” I really appreciate how hard you worked to get that A” versus, ” You are so smart”.  I wanted to encourage good choices and right behaviors so I tried to use those moments to cement that it’s the choices we make that make us strong.
7. Hugs! Hugs! Hugs! – Unconditional love was not something my family did well.  Their approval, love and acceptance always felt dependent on what I did, not who I was.  I want my kids to know that they are valued first and foremost because they are beloved children of God, and secondly, because they are beloved children of ours.  No matter how hard the day was, and there were some doozies, they were loved.  We never ended the day without a hug, a snuggle and an I love you.
8. Build Relationships on God’s Word – This meant to me that I needed to know God’s Word, hide it in my heart and use it to parent.  When we taught not to whine, we used, “Pleasant words are like honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” When we taught obedience, we used, “Children obey your parents,  This is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you all the days of your life.”  We also remembered the verse after that, “Parents, don’t exasperate your children.”  We memorized, ” Love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, your soul and mind.  This is the first and greatest command and the second just like it, love your neighbor as yourself.”  We, as parents, work to submit and obey God’s Word and then we ask our kids to.  We want to model it before we expect it.  We also allow our kids ( respectfully) to hold us accountable when we aren’t following His word. Connor called me on, “Let your yes, be yes, and your no, be no”, several times as I am very fond of using sarcasm.  We wanted them to understand that we are accountable to the same God as they are, and that none of us are perfect but we can work on it together.

I don’t know if you can create as adorable of a fridge magnet as the one I was given, but I would encourage you to post your, “Parent’s Mandate” in a place where you can see it everyday.  I also used to have the top three reasons I homeschooled right next to this magnet as there were days when I desperately needed reminded of why I parent they way I do,and why in the world I would do this crazy homeschool thing. I am so glad I chose to do both, I have very few regrets of how I spent my days.