Month: January 2017

It’s one of “those” days. You know the one. The one where it’s only 10am and everyone has been in tears at least once, the science experiment blew-up, math is taking four times as long as it should, when you asked your child write a brief summary of what you just read they look at you like you asked them to pluck out their eyebrows one hair at a time and you, of course, are out of chocolate. Yeah, that day. 

Any Mom that has home schooled for more than a week knows that day. The day when you look longingly at the school bus as it passes your house and you think, “I could put them all on that happy yellow bus and go get a latte, all by myself.” On one of those days several years ago, I met my hard-working husband at the door as he got home and said, “That’s it. I’m out. I started looking at schools today and maybe I can find one that will work…” Wisely, my dear husband gave me a hug, sighed and replied, “ Okay, I’ll take the homeschooling over. What are you going to do to support us?” Wait, what did he just say? He then went on to remind me, “We have goals for our kids and we decided that homeschooling was the best way to meet those goals. If you really can’t handle it, then I guess I’ll have to.” His reaction hit me like a ton of bricks. We had spent time and energy planning goals for our family and our kids. We felt strongly that homeschooling was our best option. Since there was no way I could compete with his software industry salary, nor did I want to, I had to figure out how to make those horrible days have minimal and short-term impact.
1. Have written goals and display them.
The first thing I figured out was to write down our goals and the reasons that we home school and prominently display them in our home. For years, our goals were on the side of the fridge where I would see them daily. One of my friends placed their goals on the inside of the pantry door. I needed to remember that homeschooling was not a spur of the moment decision and that there was a purpose and reason to all of this. When I focus on why we home school, I am able to see the big picture and stay calm and think through the emotions on those bad days.
2. “Can I fry you an egg?”
When I was growing up, my Dad would offer to “fry us an egg” when life seemed too hard or our emotions were getting ahead of us. He was a short order cook in his teens and apparently never got past that “feed people” gene. My mother-in-law asks if she can make a cup of tea when those around her are stressed. Either way, egg or tea, the intent is the same. Sometimes, we all may be cranky because of a physical need and we just need to take a break. When I find myself getting stressed or my kids are starting to fall apart, one of the first things the kids and I do is to take a break; have a snack, take a walk or sometimes if it’s absolutely necessary, take a nap. When my oldest son is struggling with a concept he’ll ask if he can take a jog to clear his head. My daughter usually needs a snack and her twin brother finds relief in kicking a ball around the yard. These can be day savers, costing only a few minutes with long-term benefits.  
3. Come at the Problem Another Way
There are times when I am teaching a new concept and no matter what I say, the kids just don’t seem to get it. Clearly, I seem to be speaking a different language. When that happens, I usually run to that old favorite: hands-on activities. I look around my house quickly to see if there is something I can use to make this concept more tangible. I recently explained a geometry concept to my high school son using pre-school toys. He was horrified when I pulled out the pre-school box but he got the concept! If I absolutely cannot figure out how to explain a concept, I send them for a snack and jump on the internet. A quick search can almost always help me find another way to explain a concept.
4. Know What You Absolutely Have to Have Done that Day
When everything fails, when you and the kids have had a snack, taken a walk, marched to the Nutcracker Suite, and nothing seems to be working, know what your absolutes are for that day. I make a mental note of our absolute, must get done items. When one of “those” days hits, and I know that it will, I minimize our workload and try to hit the “musts”. We do math and language arts almost year round so I know that we are generally fine on those subjects. I’ll have the kids watch a math video or play a math game instead of hammering out the entire lesson. Instead of having my kids write a full summary of our history, I’ll just have them tell me the most important point. To compensate, I’ll read an extra chapter of our read aloud to make time for the harder things we missed today and need to do tomorrow. We address the absolutes and call it a day. I do try and keep a note of how often we do this so that we don’t get behind. This option should be only used in extreme cases when nothing else works!
Every homeschooler has rough days. They are normal; not fun, but normal. Homeschooling can take a lot of personal energy and patience but the rewards are great and well worth the occasional bad day. We need to be realistic and pro-active in knowing how to handle these days. When we set up a plan of action, we can rescue our home school from the terrible, horrible, no good day.

I am going to tell you that if you don’t regularly go to a convention, you should.  Think of it as in-service training.  Actually, at a convention I spoke at last weekend, I had to sign papers for people who came to my sessions so that they got credit for on going training. I thought that was a brilliant idea and I think we need to consider the convention in that same light – on going training! Convention is your time to ask questions, pick people’s brains, get your hands on that cool, new curriculum and get inspired.   You also never know what conversations with a  perfect stranger in some  booth will change your life or your children’s life.  It is important.  In the words of Shakespeare, ” Get thee to a convention!” Okay, lecture over.

For all of you home schooling Moms, you know what’s coming? Convention season. 

For some of us, it’s an exciting thought, for others it’s a dreaded thought. I think we, as home school parents, should go to the convention every year, whether we like it or not. Why? Because it helps us to be better educated and if we don’t need the education surely some newbie does, and they could use a veteran’s advice.

I happen to love convention season. I love going to conventions whether I am working the convention or attending the convention. I love all the books, all the new curriculums and the science kits, oh and the history add-ons and did I mention the books. (Seriously, where else can you buy owl pellets, a how-to knit book, a Bible and Historical comparison timeline, an Adventures in Odyssey CD, and a Laura Ingalls Wilder bonnet? That’s awesome – I’m just sayin’) I love that I could learn about how to teach reading and how to teach Calculus within a two hour time span. I love all the possibilities. It just makes me happy.

I am aware that the convention can also be an overwhelming, scary place full of too many options. So I have decided to give to you my list of convention prep. I have been going to conventions since I was 15. For those of you counting, that’s a long, long, LONG time. First as a student and now as a Mom, so I have some well used practical hints.

1. Make time with your husband to pray and write out your goals for your home school and your kids. Bring these goals with you to the convention to help you narrow down the choices.  This is a vital step in deciding to homeschool, picking curriculum and being deliberate in parenting and educating your children.

2. Read Debra Bell’s “The Ultimate Guide to Homeschooling” before you go. It will help you get an understanding of the types of curriculum out there. Veterens and speakers will toss arounds words like, “classical, Charlotte Mason, literature based, unit studies and lap books” and it will give you some understanding of what in the world they are talking about.

3. Go with a friend who has been homeschooling longer than you. Bring your husband. Pay a babysitter, bribe your mother or do whatever you need to do to have your husband come with you. My husband is a life saver at the convention. He sees the bigger picture and helps me to pick curriculum that meets our goals and he carries all the heavy stuff. I love that.

4. Make a list before you go of what you need. Don’t go in blind, do the research, visit web-sites, message boards, e-mail me, talk to the lady at church that home schools, whatever is necessary, to figure out what you need.

5. Make a budget – be realistic. I spend at least $1000 a year total on all three kids curriculum although with high school looming that number is about to jump, I fear. That $1000 looks a lot but check out what a private school costs. Some people do it with less, some more. I buy what we think is best for our kids. Sometimes that’s the most expensive curriculum, sometimes it’s not. Keep your husband out of your budget money. We have more books on the Roman Empire than I know what to do with.  As an update, with kids in online classes for high school and the cost of high school subjects, I spend closer to $1750 per child in high school.

6. Plan to go for more than one day. I find I need the first day for looking around and the second or third day for buying.

7. Our cardinal rule – NEVER BUY MAJOR CURRICULUM ON THE FIRST DAY. No matter what that amazing speaker says, go home (or the hotel room) think about it, talk to your husband, look at your goals and sleep on it. This has saved me a world of trouble. I can’t count the number of times I have changed my mind after some thought and prayer and sleep. Trust me.

8. Wear really comfortable shoes and bring a sweater, notebook , pens, caffeine and chocolate. You can thank me later.

9. Plan time to shop. It’s tempting to go to all the speakers but you need time to get hands-on with the curriculum. Ask questions of the vendors. Ask the vendors if their curriculum fits your goals. ( I love doing this – it saves me so much time) Don’t be afraid to spend major time at a booth, especially if it’s going to be your main curriculum ( think MFW, Sonlight, TOG etc). Ask me how much time I spent at the MFW booth before we decided it was the “one”. David Hazell knew me by name and sight while choosing Kindergarten. It’s also okay to just say that you need time with the Teacher’s Manual looking at the curriculum. Do what you need to do. In sessions, I always sit at the back toward the end of a row because if a speaker is not talking about things I need to hear, I leave.  As a speaker myself, I don’t find this rude, you are there to learn about how to homeschool your children and your time is valuable. (Okay, I was thrown off once when my name was announced and half the room left.  Usually, I don’t offend people quite that fast.  Later I found out that they moved the Susan Wise Bauer talk from that room.  I would leave my own talk to hear SWB speak so that seemed fair.)

10. Buy fun things to bring home to your kids. Buy a bonnet, a rubber Bowie knife, a game, a new Adventure in Odyssey and a new book to read. They will think conventions are great.

If you are not a home schooler and you just want great, God honoring books, CD’s, games, devotionals, parenting books, how-to’s on grinding your own wheat, whatever, the home school convention is a great place to go as well.
Hope this helps and hope to see you there!

This is a great blog on what college professors really think of homeschool students.  It’s overwhelmingly positive.  Homeschooled graduates are highly sought out and are valued students.  Read this, it’s pretty great.

http://midlifeblogger.com/homeschool-graduates-in-college/. 

In our experience, these are pretty right on.  Connor has had a ton of success in college and has had several positive comments about him as a student and positive comments about homeschoolers in general. This surprised me a bit as he is in a large Secular University. 

I have several random try thoughts about homeschooling in high school and I thought I would share while I am waiting in the Ortho office for the twins.

1. Everyone worries about whether their kids are going to be prepared for college, even parents whose kids are more traditionally schooled. After church each Sunday we generally join 3-5 other families for lunch. The majority are traditionally schooled and are in elite and rigorous IB/AP/Honors programs  in highly rated private and public schools in our area. None of these kids or parents are slouches.  The majority of the parents have multiple degrees and are highly educated. However, a vast majority of our lunch conversations are centered around whether their kids are being prepared for college.  We also have a lot of conversations about how to help our kids when they are struggling or stuck on a problem.  To my surprise, I have the most resources.  I have three or four online resources like Khan Academy, MIT’s Open Courseware, Code Academy, and Crash Course to send my kids to when they are stuck.  Our curriculum is also designed to have more helps.  As a matter fact, I have shared many  of our homeschooling books to help the traditional students understand some of their AP/IB classes. Homeschooling allows me to help my kids learn how to learn. The rest of the parents are concerned and worried about the same things we are but they have no real control over their children’s learning. 

2.  Set a Schedule and have firm deadlines. Seriously, this is vitally important.  If your high school kids don’t get their work done, they don’t get to do anything else. No screen time, no extracurriculars, no sports – nothing.  If their paper has a due date on Friday, and it is turned in on Saturday then the paper should be graded an entire letter grade lower and again, there should be no extracurriculars until all their work is done. This is life training, a college or a job will not put up with pushing deadlines back. In my opinion, this is an absolute. No ifs, ands, or buts.  It might be ugly and your kids might not like it but it’s so important. Stick to your guns and be consistent. 

3. It’s good if your children are stretched academically. High School should be hard, it should be rigorous.  If your child is absolutely drowning then by all means change it, but if it just stretching them and they have to put more effort than normal into it, that’s a good thing. Don’t save them unless they really need it.

4. Teach them how to take notes. I love the Writing With Skill series for use in Middle and High School for this very reason. It teaches how to outline and how to take notes and summarize in Literature, Science and History.  Having kids do narrations and summaries in the younger years have given mine the ability to take notes from a lecture.  They have been doing it since they were little. If your child is in middle school or high school and haven’t done narrations or dictation, then find a language arts curriculum that teaches this.

5. Letting them follow their passions. I talk about this a lot, high school is where they should start following these. However, I want to mention that a student’s schoolwork should always be put first.  School should always be the priority.

Robotics season is about to begin so my nights waiting in tea/coffee shops begin. The twins have their permits but have another 8 months until they can get their drivers license so I am still their chauffeur. Due to the time spent drinking tea and waiting in coffee/tea shops, blogs may get written.  I have had notes on several different posts for a couple of months now but haven’t had the time to slow down and write them.  Now I might.

I have been ruminating and pondering about this topic for awhile.  As a mom and particularly as a Homeschool Mom we often wonder if we are doing “enough” to socialize our kids.  Lately, I have been thinking that socializing our kids isn’t what we should be focusing our outside activities on.  I think, instead, we should be building communities for our kids and our family.

Just look at the definitions of the two-

Community – a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests and goals.

Versus

Socialization- a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior and social skills appropriate to ones social position.

A child should be socialized at home.  They should be taught social norms, appropriate behavior and especially acquiring a personal identity with a family who loves them not with a peer group who are also struggling to learn what is appropriate.  Socialization is best taught by those who already know appropriate and acceptable social behavior.  Generally, when kids get together the last thing they do is teach each other appropriate social behavior.  My kids learned how to scream, “mine!”, at the swimming pool, how to bite at the park and how to tell Mom, “No! I don’t want to!” at soccer.  None of which is socially appropriate behavior and they had to be retrained in acceptable social skills.

We should, however, be building a community for our kids.  Communities are important, they are vital, they are who we do life with. We should always start by building a faith community for our kids.  It should include kids their age but also kids of all ages as well as as older and wiser adults.  When Connor was 10 we realized that while we had a church we loved, with people we loved, it had no community for Connor.    We left that church because we knew it was  time to build a community for our kids.  After making sure the churches we were looking at were Biblically sound, our number one priority was to find a church that made families and kids a priority.  We looked and evaluated children’s programs, Bible Bowl vs Awana’s,  researched the children’s curriculum, and asked if there were any other homeschool families.  After a ton of prayer, and a lot of research we visited one church and fell in love.  We were purposeful in looking and searching for a community of faith for our kids.  We are still purposeful in building that community.  It didn’t fall in our lap, we didn’t stumble into it, and it took several years but God was faithful and we have a community of faith for our kids. We are purposeful in going out to lunch with ‘our people’ every Sunday after church along with inviting new families fairly regularly. We have homeschool families, public school families and private school families, but all of us love Jesus, have similar parenting philosophies (partly because we have all taken the same parenting and faith path classes our church offers) and believe that building community is important. We do game nights, parties, trips and lots of meals together.  I also host a weekly co-op at our home which has had several families involved through out the years.  Our kids serve, play  and even teach younger children together and they have a community that they support and are supported by.

Kids also need communities that are based on their passions and interests.  In a perfect world, these communities would overlap with their community of faith.  My oldest had an online community of friends based on his interest in Scratch.  We were purposeful in meeting the mentors of that group (as a matter of fact, we had his main mentor, a Professor from Berkeley spend a week at our home), taking Connor to meet them in person and watching and monitoring that group daily.  I didn’t understand the majority of what was said as it was mostly computer jargon, but I knew it was a safe and healthy place for him.  All of the adults involved also knew either myself or my husband.  The twins main community outside of their faith community, is their Robotics community.  They are part of a great team that meets through out the year, mandates that they do at least 30 hours of community service, has team building activities (oh and builds really amazing Robots that are very competitive) and they learn amazing skills that will help them in the future.  I think the key to having a healthy, safe community of interest for your kids is for parents to be involved.  I know that can be hard and time consuming, but it’s vital to protect our kids and to make a healthy, encouraging community.  I go to all the competitions, I make sure to volunteer often, meet the adults involved, and generally make myself known. If I can’t make it, my husband does.  We helped coach three First Lego League teams from Up a Creek alongside the twins to help further that community for our kids.

I think we need to stop looking for opportunities to socialize our kids.  We should be doing that everyday in our homes. “No, son, it’s rude to interrupt.  Let’s try using the interrupt rule.” “No, sweetheart, we don’t take a toy away from others.  You need to say sorry and give it back.”  We need to teach social graces, how to introduce ourselves, how to introduce others, how to answer the phone, the door, how to speak politely, how to eat with proper manners.  These are all best taught by parents not by peers who are also still being trained. We need to be finding and building communities for our children to practice those social skills  with love and grace.  We need to build communities where our kids feel that they belong, that they are challenged and where they will grow.

The next time anyone asks if I am worried about my kids socialization, I think I will tell them, “Social graces and social skills are best taught by adults, not by peers.  We are, however, continually looking for communities for our kids.  Would you like to come for lunch?”