Month: January 2019

“Every day, every hour, the parents are either passively or actively forming those habits in their children upon which, more than upon anything else, future character and conduct depend.” – Charlotte Mason

It’s amazing how much character training one has to do with little people. Having all of mine almost all grown had caused me to forget all the hard work one has to put into training, practicing and training again in character and good habits. Now, having spent 6 months in a preschool classroom with 12, 3 and 4 year olds three times a week, I am certainly remembering. I love being with their little selves, but have found myself saying things that I haven’t said in years.

Things like…

“Repeat after me, ‘I obey right away, all the way”.

I said this phrase all the time with Caileigh. I often started the day with this reminder with my little strong willed girl. Along with the reminder that the proper response to a direction is, “yes, Mommy”. I have one adorable student who also struggles with this, and sometimes I have to quietly pull him aside and go through these steps. Sometimes that reminder is two or three times a day. Sometimes, we have to sit out from some fun activities because we need to remember to obey right away. I am reminded that this isn’t about me, which helps me to stay calm, but is about training the habit of obedience. Some kids get it right away, but some need more training. This little student always has a big hug for me and is the first to want to help me in my tasks. He knows that I require obedience, but also that I am on his side and want him to succeed.

“I have faith that you can do this if you just keep trying.”

I have pretty high expectations of my kids and my students. I spend time teaching them step by step how to do a task, then I have them do it with me and finally I have them do it on their own. Generally, they try to give up in the first two minutes but I encourage them to keep trying. They look for the easy way out, but my job as a Mom and teacher is to teach them to be independent. Would it be easier to just do it myself? Absolutely, but my job is to train them not take over for them. Perseverance is very important habit to build. Everyone fails sometimes but knowing how to persevere it is a very valuable life skill and we teach it when they are little whether it be making a bed, getting dressed or learning how to read.

“What are the three things I asked you to do? Repeat them back to me.”

I had forgotten how many words you use when you are with little ones. Having kids repeat back your directions to you before they attempt the task is a very important step. That way, you know that they know what they are to do. I often pair this with an egg timer to help them know how long the task should take and the reminder to, “Stay on task.”. Collin used to tell Caileigh to “stay on task” all the time. As a matter of fact, I heard that phrase used just today as he was waiting for her to get ready to go to robotics. One of my little people has to be reminded of this often and it cracks me up that one of his classmates has taken on the role of helping him to remember all the steps. Sometimes, we have to start with just one task and work up to three of four. Start small and work up to more will help with confidence.

“How are we supposed to act in this situation?”

I did a lot of role playing with my kids when they were little and I find that I do the same thing at school. “When someone says, ‘hello’ to us in church, we look them in the eye and say hello back to them. Let’s try that now.” or “When we are in the grocery store, the mall or church, we don’t run, we walk. Please show me a proper speed.” My kids and I acted out pretty much every situation at home before we went out anywhere so that they would know my expectations, then I would ask them to tell me what they were supposed to do. Kids need to be taught and need to practice those skills in a safe place before they use them in public. My introverted boys really needed this when they were little. Being in public was scary but if they knew what they were to do and had practiced it they were so much more confident.

“We are practicing being quiet.”

Oh my word, we had to play the quiet game with Caileigh A LOT! We started with a minute of quiet on the timer. If she states quiet and still, she picked a treasure. We eventually got up to 15-20 minutes. Sitting in church became so much easier but it took us awhile to work up to that. We knew that self-control was going to be a very important skill for our little girl and, boy, did we need to practice it.

Just as I saw my own kids grow and learn by daily practice, I can see my students doing the same. It takes a ton of time, though. I would estimate that 75% of our time is spent in habit training and practicing. It’s worth it though. The habits we are teaching them will help them to be more successful academically, spiritually and personally. I think habit training is far more important than even reading or beginning math for the first 6 years of a child’s life. A child who knows how to be obedient, to follow directions, to persevere, to stay on task, to have appropriate social behaviors and how to be still and quiet will have a much easier time learning his letters and numbers. They will also be a joy to be around. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.

Last week, both Caileigh and Collin got acceptances from their first choice for college. We were ecstatic, there might have even been dancing . As we read further, though, we realized that Collin hadn’t been accepted into the College of Engineering. We did a fast double take. Wait, what? Collin tests in the top 97%, the school offered him a lot of scholarships and he has a 4.3 GPA. He’s been a lead in a Robotics team that placed 3rd in the World Championship. This is a good school, but not a highly selective was one and he’s been accepted already into the highly selective ones. So, either there was some huge human error or God had another plan for Collin.

We prayed (and asked all our prayer warriors to pray for clear direction) and sought wisdom all weekend and then on Monday called and sent an email to his college admissions advisor. On Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday mornings we also called and left messages. Overkill? Maybe, but as they weren’t responding, we needed to make sure we were heard. We had not received a direct, ‘no’ from God so we decided that we would keep moving until we did. This afternoon, we got a phone call from the admission’s advisor telling us that Collin had been accepted into the College of Engineering and into his preferred, very competitive Aerospace. Yeah God!

The lesson here was that we, as parents and especially as homeschoolers, need to be advocates for our kids through this beginning college stage. Collin sat next to me and wrote the email to the advisor. I was modeling how to be an advocate. For Connor, I did the research and found out that he qualified for an extra $10,000 in scholarships, so I called the school, talked to the Bursar’s office and got the extra money. It can be a little scary and intimidating, but after talking to some of my friends who work in schools, the best High School Counselors are advocates for their students in this way. We, as homeschoolers, have to add High School Counselor on to our already full plate, but I have found that colleges are more than happy to work with me. They have been pleasant and willing to answer any questions or concerns, but I have to be persistent and follow through. I am my child’s best advocate. I am polite and respectful but persistent.

By the time Connor was in College, he asked me how to go about advocating for himself but since his first year, hasn’t needed my help. He’s petitioned for a better grade due to unfair grading, which he won, petitioned to skip a lower level class, which he didn’t win, and for an extension for his thesis as he had emergency surgery, which he won. He’s polite and respectful but persistent.

It’s important that we step in and be our student’s High School Counselor and advocate. It’s equally important to teach them how to do it themselves and then get out of the way.

I feel in a bit of a panic this morning. We have had some amazing successes and some confusing set backs in the past couple of weeks. Having three launching, (one finishing college and twins finishing high school) leaves me with very mixed feelings. One day, one child is getting everything they dreamed and the next day, another has a set back. Then within a day or two, it all changes again. Every set back makes me question whether I have done enough, have I given them what they needed, is this my fault? Homeschooling adds added pressure to what all parents feel. It can be really difficult.

As I was sitting in my chair, drinking my tea, God quietly reminded me that He loves them more than I do and that He has plans for good, and not for evil for all of their days. Those plans may not be the neat, tidy package (like everyone staying here in Colorado within 15 min of me) like I want, but in the end, I have to release them to Him. It’s so very hard, but I know His plans are always better than mine.

It’s funny that I struggle with this very thing at all the stages, the first time they went to Sunday School without me, the first time they spent a night away, the first time they went on an airplane without me, the first time they took a standardized test, the first time they drove away on their own. Reminding myself, again, to keep my hands opened towards Him, to let my precious kids go into His care. I think it’s as much of a growth opportunity for me as it is for them.