Search Results for: First time obedience

This week the sermon at church was on Haggai and the rebuilding of the temple. The people were discouraged from a lack of progress and here’s what God tells them, ” …’Be Strong all you people of the Land,’ declares the Lord, ‘and work. For I am with you,’ declares the Lord Almighty.” Haggai 2:4.

As I was sitting there with my kids, I was reminded of how many times in raising and teaching them I had to “be strong, work hard and trust God’s with us”. I was reminded of how many times I had to sit with them while they were struggling with math or spelling or just not feeling smart enough and tell them that our job is merely to, “Be strong, work hard and trust that God is with you.”

It’s not rocket science, it doesn’t take special skills, He just requires us to be strong and take the next step. We don’t have to stress about high school when our kids are in elementary school, we just do the next thing. Worrying about things that are to come do not help us. We just need to do the next thing. Like the Israelites who just needed to put the next brick on the wall and not get frozen by how big the job was, we need to focus on the job at hand. That might be introducing letters or teaching multiplication or training our kids in first time obedience. Walls, temples, (children) get built by being diligent and doing the next thing.

I needed that reminder. Even though it’s the last year of homeschooling for me, I need to keep focused and work hard. That’s how I managed all these past years. I got up, I got ready and I did school. I stayed focused and diligent and just did the next thing and God created a wonderful testimony in the lives of my kids.

The seminar and article I get the most questions on is from, “Ten Practical Things Every Homeschooler Should Know” so I thought I would start with that.

Today we are going to talk about Parent Training.

“The reasonableness of the command to obey parents is clear to children, even when quite young.”  – Noah Webster

One of the very first things I ask Moms who are stressed and overwrought and clearly at their wits end with this crazy homeschooling thing is, “ If you ask your child to please go to the table and sit down, what happens?”  and the second thing I ask is, “How many times would it take of you asking before your child would do it?”.  More often than not, the answer comes with a pause and a stammer or even an answer that it depends on the child’s mood that day.  Children that do not obey right away make homeschooling 10 times harder than it has to be and if you have more than one child, that can make it almost impossible.  Consider this scenario –

“Johnnny and Susie, please come to the table and sit down.  We are ready to start school.”  Mom asks.  Johnny and Susie keep playing with the legos with no acknowledgement or sign of movement.

“ Kids, it is time for school.  Come over.  I have fun activities planned for today.”  The two briefly raise their heads from their toys at the mention of fun but quickly go back to playing.

“I said, it is time for school, don’t make me count to 3!”  Mom’s voice starts getting louder.  Finally, Mom comes over and takes their hands and puts the toys down and makes them come to table all the while the two have begun to wail which then wakes up little brother who has been taking a nap.  Mom struggles to get them to table and hopes the baby goes back to sleep so she can do school.  Mom is stressed, the kids are whining and crying and it is only the beginning of the day.

The calm, wonderful school day Mom has meticulously planned is now shot to pieces and she just does the best she can to teach the have-to’s in the remaining time.  Anyone would have a hard time teaching phonics and math to children who won’t even come sit down at the table.  It becomes more about just getting it done than really teaching and educating. One of the interesting and more difficult parts of homeschooling is the fact that we are educating and parenting.  We are training their minds and their hearts at the same time.  You don’t stop being the Mom when school starts, you just add the Teacher hat to the mix.

Now, before we go any further, I know that some of you are thinking, “Dawn must have compliant children.  She clearly doesn’t have any strong-willed children.”  Not true, AT ALL.  We are blessed with three children, Connor, and the twins, Caileigh and Collin.  My husband often says that if we would have just had Connor we would have thought we were the best parents ever.  We said, “No”, and he stopped.  We could look sternly at him and he would apologize.  Then we had the twins.  Caileigh, bless her sweet heart, is definitely my child and that is both a blessing and a curse.  I often heard growing up,  “ I hope you have a child just like you!” and I did.  Caileigh does her own thing, in her own time and is willing to let you know when she doesn’t like something.  Her twin, Collin, sees everything in black and white and while mostly obedient, if you do something that he sees as wrong ( like turning the cartoon off while he was watching), he will hold a grudge all day long. I understand, really, I do.  That’s also why I know this works.  I read all the books, went to the seminars, talked to the leaders and gathered all the information I could.

So what is a mom to do?  Plan to spend the summer training your children in first time obedience, no whining and complaining and cleaning up after themselves.  What if you are in the middle of the school year?  Then start where you are.  You can schedule homeschooling light for the next few weeks, take a week or two off or pare down on activities for the next several weeks.  It can be done in the school year, it just might take more of your time, emotions and energy than usual.

Parent Training

First things first, we need to do some parent training.  I would suggest you take a week before you start on child training to train and prepare yourself and possibly your spouse.

In my experience, one of the most powerful and helpful parenting Bible verses is Matthew 5:37 which says, “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your ‘No’, ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”

When my children were little, I was challenged to really put this into practice in my home.  It meant that I had to take a moment and think about what they were asking and what my response would be.  It meant that if I said,’Yes’, I was committed to doing what I said I would do.  If I said I would make cookies, then I did.  If I said they could play with playdough I needed to be prepared to help get out all the playdough toys and set them up outside on the patio.  (I can not deal with playdough in the house.  It makes me crazy)  If I said that as soon I was done folding the laundry then I would take them to the park, then I did.  Sure life can get crazy and sometimes things happen but I tried to be very careful to keep my word.  I wanted my kids to know that I when I said I would do something then I would.  I didn’t need to promise because my kids knew that if I said ‘Yes’, I meant, ‘Yes’.

This took me a little time to adjust to as I really needed to think about it before I said, ‘Yes’ or ‘No’.  I had to weigh out all that I had to do, what other expectations I had on my time and what was most important that day.  Had I spent enough time with the kids or had I been too focused on other matters.  Did I have company coming and messy kids what the last thing I needed?  Was there a moral or Biblical reason to say ‘No’, or was it just because it might annoy me.  This last statement was one I was also challenged on, did I just say ‘No’ to things because I just didn’t really want to deal with it or did I have a valid reason to say, ‘No’? Don’t get me wrong, there were days when I said, ‘No’ and then I told them, “ Mom, really isn’t up to it today.  Can we do it later in the week?’.  I really tried to limit the ‘Nos’ that had more to do with what I felt like then really whether it was a bad idea.

Saying, ‘Yes’ is far easier than the concept of saying, ‘No’ and meaning it.  Your ‘No’ as parent must hold weight.  If I tell my kids, ‘No’ they understand that I am willing to follow up on the ‘No’.  I do try and give them a why with the ‘No’ so they can learn the whys behind my ‘Nos’ and hopefully begin to see the wisdom and pattern in my ‘No’.

“No, you may not take the toy away from your sister because that is rude and the Bible says that love is not rude”.

“No, you may not play with your brother’s toys as it is not yours.  We must love and respect your brother enough to ask before we touch his things.”  I said this a lot to the twins who wanted to play with their older brothers cool toys.  Actually, they still want to play with his cool toys, but they now ask before they touch.

When I said ‘No’ to my kids, I had to be willing to follow up on whatever the consequences might be.  My ‘Yes’ meant ‘Yes’ and my ‘No’ meant ‘No’.  I didn’t count to three, I didn’t ask several times because they needed to know that I meant what I said and I was willing to follow through.  Was this fun?  Absolutely not.  There were days when I met my husband at the door and said, “The kids are sitting and reading on the couch, dinner is on the table and I won’t be back until they are all in bed”.  Saying ‘No’ and meaning it means that your children will test you on your ‘No’ and you have to have to have the fortitude to follow through.  It will be worth it though.  I don’t get angry and I don’t raise my voice but my kids know when Mom says ‘No’ she means it and they very rarely challenge that anymore.  It makes our home and much more peaceful and pleasant place.

I think that this is very first step in having your children listen to you both as a parent and a teacher and it is up to the parent to determine in their heart and mind to follow the Bible’s advice.

Categories: parenting

After you have mostly mastered parent training, ( let your yes mean yes, and your no mean no), move onto to child training.  Remember, you must be consistent or your children will never understand as the expectations are too moveable.  Consistency is the key. 

Week 2 – Child Training

When I was in the training stages with my kids, I would pick one trait to work on that week.  The pattern of the week was usually the same.

Day One – Introduce what we were going to work on.  Have them start memorizing a corresponding Bible verse.  Remind them what positive reinforcements would happen if I caught them showing this behavior.  I would also take time to remind them that they were not allowed to tell me when they showed this behavior, I must catch them at it.

Day Two – Introduce a game or activity that reinforced the behavior and practiced saying the Bible verse.

Days Three through Six- Play the game or activity, if appropriate.  Pay special attention to children and give them much praise and positive reinforcement of the behavior shown.  Make sure that you praise the kids, in front of Dad, of the times that day when they showed the behavior. Continue to practice Bible verse.

Day Seven – Have the kids recite their Bible verses. I always like to give kids a small treat, each and every time they could recite the verse for me.  Like an m&m or a jelly bean or a fruit chewie. Psalm 119:103 says, “How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!” Earlier on, I wanted this to resonate with my kids, that the Words of the Bible are sweet to our soul and to our mouth.  Years later, they now run for the jelly bean jar when they recite verses for me and any kids who come to my house know that if they can recite a verse, I will give them candy. On the last day, I also remind them that I will still be watching for them to show this behavior but now that I know that they know what they are supposed to do, I expect that from them.  I also warn them that there will be discipline if they fail to do what they know they are supposed to.

Now, that you have the basic pattern you put any behaviors into this.

There are several behaviors that I would recommend putting into place for a smoother home and school time.

First Time Obedience

One of the first times I presented this topic at a convention a woman stood up in the middle of the workshop and asked me what I meant by ‘first time obedience’.  I was a little taken aback but since it then happened at successive conventions, I try to define what I mean by that.  By first time, I mean, if you ask your child to sit down at the table, will they sit down the very first time you ask?  If you ask them to pick up their toys will they pick up their toys the very first time you ask?  If you ask them to come to you, will they come the very first time you call?  If your child will obey consistently ( say 80% of the time) then I would say that they are obedient the first time.

The Bible verse I use to teach this is Ephesians 6:1 “Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”  I would use this verse for children 2-5 years old, but for older kids I would add verses 2 and 3, “Honor your mother and father – for this is the first commandment with a promise – so that it may go well with you and you may enjoy a long life upon the earth.”

I play a modified game of hide and go seek with my kids to introduce first time obedience.  I go and hide and then call my kids.  They have to yell, “Yes, Mom” and then run to find me.  When they find me, if they have said, “Yes, Mom” then I give them a treat.  I play this several times the first time and perhaps have my husband do it too and then throughout the week, I would hide unexpectedly and call to them.  Little kids really love this but your older kids will get into it if you challenge them with your hiding places.  Teaching is so much more effective if we can think of fun ways to introduce and reinforce topics.

Categories: parenting

I am a firm believer in consistency. Consistency in parenting, consistency in schedule and consistency with school. I am not a slave to it, but having a consistent schedule allows me to be flexible when I need to. Training consistency in my kids means that as they get older, they understand what they need to do, and can do it on their own. They know that Mom is never going to okay with the TV being on during the school day so they know not to ask. They know that we do our major chores on Friday so they just naturally get up and do them even if I am not here. They know that barring vomiting, high fevers, hospital visits or natural disasters ( we had a huge flood here a couple of years ago), we do school.

After about the age 5, they stopped questioning whether we were going to do school because we always did school. School is my main priority and it generally gets done no matter what else is going on. Consistency just makes everything easier. It also keeps you on track. It’s harder to get behind if you always do school and you treat it as your first priority between the hours of 8 a.m and 12 p.m. With littles, I saw how this consistency gave them confidence in knowing what’s next. My kids liked knowing that after Bible and LA and Math, we had a snack. They could count on that. They knew after lunch and outside play we had a quiet time. No muss, no fuss, that’s what we did.

As they are all almost adults and are planning their own lives, I see them starting to create that same level of consistency. They figure out how to prioritize their lives, schedule it and then get it done. They don’t think it’s special or unique, it’s what they always have done.

Consistency in parenting can be much harder and made me work on keeping an even keel. No meant no, regardless of what was going on. Discipline stayed consistent between one child and the next, and day to day even if one day was easier than another. We made the rules, posted them with the appropriate consequences and then stuck to it. Our expectations were the same whether we were at home, at church, or at the grandparents. Was it hard? Yes. Was it worth it? Absolutely. Our kids knew that disobeying was going to get them the same level of consequence no matter where we were. You could ask them what the consequence for disobedience was and they could quote it. Consistency is key in parenting.

There are no magic pills in homeschooling or in parenting. There is no guarantee that our kids are going to turn out the way we want them to, but I do think that being consistent with our kids is a firm step in that direction. Consistency gives stability, it helps us to clearly see the difference between right and wrong, it gives us, as parents, credibility. It allows our yes to mean yes, and our no to mean no every single time.

“Every day, every hour, the parents are either passively or actively forming those habits in their children upon which, more than upon anything else, future character and conduct depend.” – Charlotte Mason

It’s amazing how much character training one has to do with little people. Having all of mine almost all grown had caused me to forget all the hard work one has to put into training, practicing and training again in character and good habits. Now, having spent 6 months in a preschool classroom with 12, 3 and 4 year olds three times a week, I am certainly remembering. I love being with their little selves, but have found myself saying things that I haven’t said in years.

Things like…

“Repeat after me, ‘I obey right away, all the way”.

I said this phrase all the time with Caileigh. I often started the day with this reminder with my little strong willed girl. Along with the reminder that the proper response to a direction is, “yes, Mommy”. I have one adorable student who also struggles with this, and sometimes I have to quietly pull him aside and go through these steps. Sometimes that reminder is two or three times a day. Sometimes, we have to sit out from some fun activities because we need to remember to obey right away. I am reminded that this isn’t about me, which helps me to stay calm, but is about training the habit of obedience. Some kids get it right away, but some need more training. This little student always has a big hug for me and is the first to want to help me in my tasks. He knows that I require obedience, but also that I am on his side and want him to succeed.

“I have faith that you can do this if you just keep trying.”

I have pretty high expectations of my kids and my students. I spend time teaching them step by step how to do a task, then I have them do it with me and finally I have them do it on their own. Generally, they try to give up in the first two minutes but I encourage them to keep trying. They look for the easy way out, but my job as a Mom and teacher is to teach them to be independent. Would it be easier to just do it myself? Absolutely, but my job is to train them not take over for them. Perseverance is very important habit to build. Everyone fails sometimes but knowing how to persevere it is a very valuable life skill and we teach it when they are little whether it be making a bed, getting dressed or learning how to read.

“What are the three things I asked you to do? Repeat them back to me.”

I had forgotten how many words you use when you are with little ones. Having kids repeat back your directions to you before they attempt the task is a very important step. That way, you know that they know what they are to do. I often pair this with an egg timer to help them know how long the task should take and the reminder to, “Stay on task.”. Collin used to tell Caileigh to “stay on task” all the time. As a matter of fact, I heard that phrase used just today as he was waiting for her to get ready to go to robotics. One of my little people has to be reminded of this often and it cracks me up that one of his classmates has taken on the role of helping him to remember all the steps. Sometimes, we have to start with just one task and work up to three of four. Start small and work up to more will help with confidence.

“How are we supposed to act in this situation?”

I did a lot of role playing with my kids when they were little and I find that I do the same thing at school. “When someone says, ‘hello’ to us in church, we look them in the eye and say hello back to them. Let’s try that now.” or “When we are in the grocery store, the mall or church, we don’t run, we walk. Please show me a proper speed.” My kids and I acted out pretty much every situation at home before we went out anywhere so that they would know my expectations, then I would ask them to tell me what they were supposed to do. Kids need to be taught and need to practice those skills in a safe place before they use them in public. My introverted boys really needed this when they were little. Being in public was scary but if they knew what they were to do and had practiced it they were so much more confident.

“We are practicing being quiet.”

Oh my word, we had to play the quiet game with Caileigh A LOT! We started with a minute of quiet on the timer. If she states quiet and still, she picked a treasure. We eventually got up to 15-20 minutes. Sitting in church became so much easier but it took us awhile to work up to that. We knew that self-control was going to be a very important skill for our little girl and, boy, did we need to practice it.

Just as I saw my own kids grow and learn by daily practice, I can see my students doing the same. It takes a ton of time, though. I would estimate that 75% of our time is spent in habit training and practicing. It’s worth it though. The habits we are teaching them will help them to be more successful academically, spiritually and personally. I think habit training is far more important than even reading or beginning math for the first 6 years of a child’s life. A child who knows how to be obedient, to follow directions, to persevere, to stay on task, to have appropriate social behaviors and how to be still and quiet will have a much easier time learning his letters and numbers. They will also be a joy to be around. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.

About 15 years ago, when my kids were very little, Scott and I took a parenting class led by good friends of ours.  During this class, the very talented leader made us these adorable magnets for our fridge to help remind us of the things we had learned.  This magnet has been our fridge since.  Long past the age when we had finger paintings and soccer schedules on the fridge, this remained.  As a matter of fact, it occupies one of the few spaces on our beautiful Stainless Steel fridge that can hold magnets.  It has become part of who we are as a family, and a daily reminder of the parents we want to be.

1.  Verbalize Family Identity  – Through the years we have used this idea to create statements about our family and who we want to be .  Things like, “We, Hudsons, work hard and then we play hard.” “We, Hudsons, have family movie nights.” “We, Hudsons, volunteer together,” “We, Hudsons, never give up, we might fail but we don’t stay there.”  “We, Hudson’s, love Jesus and others, in that order.” “We, Hudsons, go to Star Wars movies on opening night.”  We say them out loud and then we do them.  When the kids were younger, we said them a lot. Sometimes, it more about who we wanted our family to be rather than who we were at that moment, but it helped us to remember to be deliberate in creating our family identity.
2. Show Ongoing Love for Spouse – This always reminds Scott and I that one of the very best things we could do for our kids is to love each other and keep our marriage strong.  This meant we had to make our relationship a priority.  We traded kids with a friend on Fridays so that each couple had a Friday afternoon and evening alone twice a month.  We budgeted date nights, even when finances are tight.  We begged the grandparents (we have the best grandparents) to take our kids for at least a weekend, if not a week, each year for a vacation (even a staycation was a wonderful thing) alone.   We tried to spend 15 to 20 min each evening chatting together while the kids played quietly to reconnect each day.  We make each other a priority.
3. Understand and Respect Your Child’s Private World – This, for me, was the idea that God had designed and created these little people,  They weren’t blank slates, they were to be respected as little people with minds, hearts and gifts given them by God and my job was to help mold that, not create that.  Charlotte Mason was a Genius is a blog I wrote with this in mind.
4. Keep Those Promises! – If I told my kids we could go to the pool, I did everything in my power to do that.  I thought carefully when I said yes or no ( No’s had to have a good reason, because I wanted them to understand why I said No.) and having a good and clear written schedule helped me to know if I could say yes and then I made it happen.  They could trust my word and I asked them to do the same.  I wanted them to be little people of their word. If they said it, they needed to follow through, but it needed to start with me.
5. Allow Freedom to Fail – This one’s hard.  It’s hard to watch our kids fail but it’s in failure that they learn the most.  We must not save them every time. One of our rules for school was that if you didn’t get your work done (because you were dawdling or distracted) then you were not able to participate in extra curriculars until it was done.  Several times, Caileigh sat on the side of the soccer field while her team practiced and she finished her math drills.  Once she was done, she could run right on the field to practice.  I didn’t make excuses for her, I just let her feel the pain of that and then she became much more diligent.  There have been several times in a project where we have cautioned our kids and allowed them the choice to follow our advice or not, and we watched as they failed.  We didn’t allow them to stay there though, we helped them up and figured out how to make it successful because, “Hudsons don’t quit, we try again.”
6. Be An Encourager – As my love language is words of encouragement, this one is easier for me.  However, I wanted to make sure I was encouraging the right thing.  “Way to be brave and speak up” or ” I really appreciate how hard you worked to get that A” versus, ” You are so smart”.  I wanted to encourage good choices and right behaviors so I tried to use those moments to cement that it’s the choices we make that make us strong.
7. Hugs! Hugs! Hugs! – Unconditional love was not something my family did well.  Their approval, love and acceptance always felt dependent on what I did, not who I was.  I want my kids to know that they are valued first and foremost because they are beloved children of God, and secondly, because they are beloved children of ours.  No matter how hard the day was, and there were some doozies, they were loved.  We never ended the day without a hug, a snuggle and an I love you.
8. Build Relationships on God’s Word – This meant to me that I needed to know God’s Word, hide it in my heart and use it to parent.  When we taught not to whine, we used, “Pleasant words are like honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” When we taught obedience, we used, “Children obey your parents,  This is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you all the days of your life.”  We also remembered the verse after that, “Parents, don’t exasperate your children.”  We memorized, ” Love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, your soul and mind.  This is the first and greatest command and the second just like it, love your neighbor as yourself.”  We, as parents, work to submit and obey God’s Word and then we ask our kids to.  We want to model it before we expect it.  We also allow our kids ( respectfully) to hold us accountable when we aren’t following His word. Connor called me on, “Let your yes, be yes, and your no, be no”, several times as I am very fond of using sarcasm.  We wanted them to understand that we are accountable to the same God as they are, and that none of us are perfect but we can work on it together.

I don’t know if you can create as adorable of a fridge magnet as the one I was given, but I would encourage you to post your, “Parent’s Mandate” in a place where you can see it everyday.  I also used to have the top three reasons I homeschooled right next to this magnet as there were days when I desperately needed reminded of why I parent they way I do,and why in the world I would do this crazy homeschool thing. I am so glad I chose to do both, I have very few regrets of how I spent my days.

For the many that only know me from the blog or from the MFW FB page, what you might not know is that I have a deep well of snark. I try to keep it under control when I am writing as sarcasm and snark don’t always play well in writing.  You have to be able to see my face, hear my tone and be able to judge my relative sincerity.  Those that have heard me speak at conventions have been able to see this in me.  Sarcasm, irony and snark are my love languages.  Okay, not meanly.  Being mean is never going to be right. As my kids became pre-teens and teens this also became one of my best tools to both keep situations light and funny but also able to get my point across to my kids. I find funny is a powerful tool to keep tempers and emotions in check in both the kids and in myself.  Now, I only have to start these phrases and my kids finish them for me and check and change their attitudes.  Occasionally, they spout them back at me and I have to check my attitude.

1. “Change your face!” This gem was given to me by a Pastor at our church.  His Mom used to say it to him whenever his attitude started showing in his face.  Kid disgusted by the dinner served at Grandma’s house? A quick, ” Change your face” is highly effective.  Your teen rolling their eyes at you?  Give them a warning to change their face. Someone saying something dumb about homeschooling? Your kids remind you to change YOUR face.  

2. “ Really? That’s what you want to go with?” This phrase became almost a daily occurrence when Caileigh was struggling in later elementary with telling the truth. We had laid down the consequences, lying got you 4x the punishment of the original infraction.  It also meant you went nowhere and spent ALL your time right next to Mom.  If I couldn’t trust you to be away from me, then you got to be right by me and do everything I did.  All the dishes, cleaning, chores that I did plus outside activities were cancelled until you proved that you were trustworthy.  Caileigh needed a little grace and a little helpful reminder when it was obvious that she wasn’t telling the complete truth.  I would say this once and only once to give her a chance to do the right thing. Now, it’s used in our home as a funny way to say, “You are digging yourselves a pretty deep hole that you never are going to get out of”.  This was especially helpful with younger teen boys during puberty because they said the dumbest things and needed to think through what they were actually saying.

3. “Life is tough. Life is tougher when you’re stupid.” – John Wayne.  When I first came across this quote, I absolutely howled.  It was funny and so very true. My beloved Grandpa watched all the John Wayne movies with me and in my mind was John Wayne.  He even looked liked John Wayne and spoke like John Wayne and I could just hear him saying it to me. I read it to my kids and gave them some personal examples of when I made my life so much harder because I was making poor choices. The Bible has several examples.  Samson is a perfect example of this.  He knew the right thing to do and did the exact opposite and it made his life sooooo much harder. So whenever I see my kids headed down a path that is going to cause them trouble I just say, “Life is tough. Life is tougher…” and they generally fill in the rest of the phrase and my adorable 5 year old niece says, ” We don’t say stupid!”.  It is the perfect way to remind them that they are making their own life so much harder because of a unwise choice.  

4. “Know where you are going or you’ll end up somewhere else” – Yogi Berra. My StepMom used to say this to me all the time and it made me crazy but it’s so true.  If you don’t have a goal and a plan then you are never going to get where you want to go. The Bible says that, ” The noble make noble plans and by noble deeds they stand” Isaiah 32:8. If God has led you to homeschool, then make goals, plans and get it done.  In our home we encourage our kids to pray big, dream big and once you think God has said yes, then you step in, make a plan with achievable goals and get it done.  I have been floored by the things my kids have accomplished, they are scary big. They prayed about them, stepped in and we made a plan with achieveable goals and they have done everything from raising a large amount of money to feed kids in Ethiopia, to speaking at a MIT convention in Barcelona, Amsterdam and Boston, become the Rising Stars for their Robotics team, do two years of math in a year to catch up,  have our entire block donate food for a food drive at church or raise enough money for our family to go on a missions trip – twice. They don’t think that its impossible, they know that God wants them to make the world a better place and they make a plan and make it happen.  They humble and challenge me. 

5. “Your maid doesn’t live here.” We keep a pretty clean house with daily chores, daily 15 minute clean ups but everyone is supposed to clean up after themselves.  If you grab a snack, fine, but clean the kitchen after yourself.  Don’t leave your stuff lying around period end of discussion.  For some strange reason my kids forget these rules and occasionally I have to pull out this phrase.  I say it and point to the mess.  If it isn’t cleaned up immediately, then we have an obedience issue and no one wants that.  There have been times when this got bad enough that I started charging them, because a maid should be paid. Then they had to do chores like scooping poop, pulling weeds etc to make extra money so that you could pay me.  This generally stopped that behavior for 3 mos or so and then we had to retrain. 

I didn’t ever use these phrases with younger kids as they need black and white, yes or no’s.  They need to know the rules and follow the rules in those younger years.  Towards those middle school and high school years, I moved to more of a coaching role versus an absolute monarchy.  These are also most effective with kids who know the right thing to do and have been trained in obedience.  They just need reminders not training.